This isn't my plan, but I'll follow it anyway . . .

I've said this to multiple people for a long time, but only in the past few weeks has it really started to hit me.

That what I'm doing in my life, I never saw for myself. I mean yes, I knew I would EVENTUALLY marry and EVENTUALLY become a mother and have kids. But the timing of it all I could never say it was mine.

After graduating, I planned on getting my associates at a community college and then heading to Utah State where I would get my degree in Music Therapy. Maybe serving a mission, if that was what the Lord wanted me to do, but I was more leaning in favor than not. Then someday probably mid twenties get married since I didn't think that any guy would see me for who I am until I grew up some more and became more intelligent and talented. Than several years after getting married we would have kids. That was my idea, my plan.

Instead, it took a HUGE surprising turn for the way best.

I did stumble and fall after graduating and made some pretty big mistakes. But with the Atonement and some really great people in my life, I got it back on track, on the Lord's path for me. I married when I turned 20 to my handsome man who is also my bestest friend and stood by my side through the darkest part of my life. He pulled me up and helped me see that I deserved to be loved and treated with kindness. We had prayed with all our hearts and an open mind to what Heavenly Father wanted for our future. Poor as dirt newlyweds and both of us working and going to school, we learned that He wanted us to have a baby. So we did. After some more time, when Alyx was just under a year I had multiple promptings that we needed to be joined by another special spirit. So after some more couple prayer and going to the temple, we knew we needed to listen. William was born. I had dropped school right before Alyx was born and other than working here and there I was a full time mom and Jason fully supported us. Now I am once again pregnant and I feel every week at my 36 weeks because the Holy Ghost prompted Jason that we should have another baby, even when Jason and I had agreed on waiting a whole year more to try again. This was not our plan, but when we are told to do something. It is in our best interest and happiness to follow God's plan for us.

He knows what will bring true happiness. Could I have been happy with my plan? Sure. But would I be this happy as I am now? No!

School was already tough on me. I almost have no interest in generals save for some small sections. But I don't like English, Math, Science or History. I LOVE sports, music, art, cooking, and Spanish. I am able to have my interests in my everyday life. I don't need to go to school when being a wife and a mother not only brings me happiness and joy but is what the Lord has commanded me to do. :)

That doesn't mean I don't struggle in my life. I still have stress and incredibly hard trials. My life is not all full of rainbows and sunshine, but I choose to see the blessings I have. I do my best to stay open to the Holy Ghost and try to do what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I am so SOO INCREDIBLY blessed. I have seen my family and friends suffer in different ways, where I have no comprehension for what they are going through. I am surrounded and blanketed by unconditional love, safety, peace and excitement for my future. I am so grateful and super happy for not only where I am at in life, but WHO I am. 

Life has gone up and down for me, major highs and extreme lows. But whatever he has in store for me, whether it was part of my plan or not, I will do my best to have faith and obey him.

My little but BIG miracle!

Last night something very wonderful happened . . . . Alyx, my first born, wild child and darling boy WANTED to sit on my lap.

Now let me tell you that shocked me. He is known to be very super active and all over the place. Not really affectionate (hugs, kisses and cuddles). Also quite the daddy's boy. Always wants to hold daddy's hand, not mine, be on daddy's lap and gets upset if William is sitting on Jason's lap. When you get a hug from Alyx and it's longer than two seconds, it is really precious.

So I was surprised when not only he proceeded to sit on my lap. But for a minute or two, he CUDDLED with me and didn't move when I put my arms around him!!!!!!!!!

Some might not see that as a big deal and brush it off. Or think that was nice, but to me. TO ME. It was one of the best gifts I have been given. A gift of love. It melted me, my mother heart was bursting with happiness and overflowing with gratitude. I soaked it all in. I tried my best to imprint the moment in my mind. Knowing it could be a very very long time before that happened again.

I love all my children. Born and yet to be born.
With each child, there is always a special place in my heart for them.

Alyx, he made me a mother. He is the first person in my life that really needed me 24/7 and depended on me for everything. I experienced such extreme joy when he was placed in my arms the day he was born. I experienced sorrow at when they had to take him away to do tests, or give him shots. He is my first and no one else can take his place in my life. I love him sooo much!!! I am far from being the best or perfect mother, but I am trying. I try to help him smile. I try to teach him what he needs to know. I try to teach him to love others. Life is never easy, and Alyx comes with his challenges as any child does. But I make sure he knows that I love him, and hope that he never doubts that as he grows older.

Balance

I can't give a really good reason for why I haven't blogged in forever. I could say I was busy, and I was, but that isn't the whole truth. Lazy? Maybe. Forgot I had a blog? That was a huge chunk of it. Until I had a friend tell me that she loved reading my blog posts and missed me writing the goings on in my life. Also I had several other friends who took up blogging and that reminded me that I had one too. So I am at it once again! But I'm not only doing it for those who happen to want to read this, but I am doing it for me.

I have realized I missed it. It was actually a lot like therapy for me. It also has helped me remember things as I re-read my thoughts, feelings and past events in my life.

I am also doing it for my children. Even though the chances are slim, they might actually be interested in what I write.

I have over the past few weeks, changed my daily tasks to improve my life and that of my family. Trying to attain a balance in my life that gives me peace and happiness. Still cleaned, but tried to not overwork myself and yet not let the house look like a tornado swept through. Improved my daily prayer and scripture habits, and couple prayer/scripture study with Jason. Also, added some fun new activities for the boys to do that will help their creativity, and have them end up with the smiley faces that I adore.

But I am lacking in me time. Yet another reason, I am taking up blogging again. Because I enjoy it!

In a few weeks, my life will yet again have me struggle to find a new balance . . .

Why?

I am happy and excited to say, my boys will be joined by another wonderful little boy. My three Wilber musketeers. :) I still can't believe I will be having my third child so soon. His due date is May 15th, not long after my birthday and my 5th anniversary to being sealed for time and all eternity to Jason. But I know with all my heart, that he's meant to be here at this time.

Life will continue to always be busy and so many things to do, especially with a new little one on the way, but I will find some time to write and try to keep a happy balance in my life. :)

Valentine's Day . . . the bitter with the sweet

My Valentine's Day had it's ups and downs. 

Let me just tell you even though I really wanted breakfast to be perfect for Jason . . . it wasn't. I didn't get to completely finish his gift and my dessert I made didn't exactly come out the I wanted it to either. 

But the worst part of the day was finding something bad had happened to two of my sisters. All because of the man who should have been a father instead of a horrible monster. My heart has broken many times because of him. I've been sad, and mad at him for many things in my life and made some poor choices as a result of how he's treated me when I was younger. But this I believe is the ultimate top thing I've been furious with him at. It's one thing to hurt me, another entirely to hurt my sisters to the point where one has to run away just so he can stop being physically abusive to the other. It made me physically ill to learn about what happened. I wish I could have protected them. But all I can do is pray for them, that they won't let him screw up their lives and future. That they will not be in any more danger and that they won't let him ruin the image of men everywhere. Because as hard as it is to find good men in the world, there are some out there. I hope they will be safe while dating, and follow the Spirit. That when it is time to decide who they will marry, they won't choose a man who will hurt them. 

Anyway, that was the bitter.

Now for the sweeter parts . . . 

My adorable husband bought me my favorite flowers the night before and gave them to me. :) We were able to be together most of the morning and then he had to go to school/work. I took care of my boys and put them down for their naps. I then started to work on finishing Jason's gift. What did I give him?

80 origami hearts

1 for each day from Valentines to our Anniversary. 

On each heart I had written a reason why I loved him, or something I loved about him.

I had most of them finished when he said he was on his way home. With both Alyx and William already awake, I hurried to take care of them and put the hearts all over our living room walls. Which was quite difficult . . . taking care of a toddler and a newborn and rushing around like crazy. He came home and was quite surprised. :) He did not see that one coming at all. He gave me a kiss and read a number of them, then gave me my gift. 

My favorite candy bar, a really sweet thoughtful card that he wrote in that I will cherish, and a book called, "Furry Logic Love". He bought it because he knows we understand each other's unique sense of humor. I wanted to share some thoughts from the book. Some are funny, some are cute, and some are totally . . . interesting shall we say. lol.

Your love may be as close as I will ever get to heaven.    Jason says that my love is heaven. ;)

I'm sure I could make you happy, if only you'd lower your standards drastically.     I know that I didn't have to lower mine. He on the other hand . . . 

You are not perfect- but some of your imperfections are strangely attractive. 

I have you, you have me: at least one of us is lucky.     I'll be the lucky one. :) 

Am I too much for you? Or not enough?

As long as I have you, there's just one other thing I'll always need- tremendous self-control. 

Anyone can be passionate . . . but it takes real lovers to be silly.    Jason and I are pretty silly people.

How would you rate me, on a scale of wonderful to marvelous?

Caution: you are in danger of becoming essential to my way of life.      Heads up, Jason already is essential.

I want you, happiness, and chocolate, but not necessarily in that order.

You've told me you love me, but there's no harm in repeating it endlessly.

Loved the book, card, candy and him. 

Dinner turned out a success and even though dessert didn't look as good as I hoped it would, it still tasted really super yummy. :) My husband is soo good to me, I'm really blessed to have him as my eternal companion. I love him and my love for him grows stronger all the time. 

My Jr. Jason look-a-like, William Anthony Wilber

So my newest little angel is here!!!

William Anthony Wilber

There are some reasons why we chose this name. 

For my first boy, Alyxander Michael Wilber. Michael came from Jason's family, middle name of Jason and Jason's dad's name and probably somewhere further down the line. 

Well I wanted a family name from my side in our next son's name. Whether it would be his first or middle. 

William is from my mom's side. There are four William's and the oldest one that I know of I had studied and know stories of him and his wife from days when I was in Young Women's. He's kinda one of my ancestral heroes. 

Anthony has a special place in my heart, as well as my mother's. Growing up she told me that if I was a boy she would have named me Anthony. She loved that name so much and never got to use it. I grew up loving it too. So maybe she never got to use it, but she is getting her Anthony through me. :)

Sooo . . . William arrived on January 29th 2013 at 4:20 pm, after 9 something hours of induced labor and three days of contractions that refused to stay consistent, which was super SUPER frustrating. Let me tell you. Jason and I left early and it was some of the worst winter weather we had. Everywhere we looked, there was snow. Roads weren't even plowed yet. The freeway was somewhat manageable but still very scary. We got to the hospital safely and without car troubles (haha) thank goodness. At 7, I was induced and at first is was fine, but the pain and contractions quickly escalated and became intense even though I wasn't that far dilated. Hence, being induced, because it forces your body to go into labor. Jason and I watched Sherlock Holmes and part of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. 

My doctor had to break my water and I held quite a bit of water unlike my first pregnancy. They told me I had around 4 pounds of water or more in me. I was also fully effaced and William was already in perfect position. So when I was dilated to 4 I was ready to push. But of course had to hold off. So I tried my best to breathe through horrible and mega painful contractions. Worst was when they came back to back and didn't give me a break. All through it, Jason helped me. :) He was amazing. I was super close to giving in to an epidural because the pain was so bad. When I was at a 7, I couldn't hold back any longer. I told my nurse that I really HAD to push. She called my doctor who was there in a few minutes. They helped me hold off a few minutes longer and then FINALLY I could push. Took a lot more effort and pushing than with Alyx. But  then . . . he was there!!!

Jason's first comment was that William had a lot of hair. When I saw him, I saw it was RED hair!!! :) I was super happy. I wanted a baby with red hair, because Jason had red hair as a baby and was super cute. But not only does William have red hair like Jason did, he is a chubby little guy and looks soo much like Jason. Which made me even happier as I wanted a son who looked like Jason. Now all I'm hoping for is that he has Jason's green eyes. hee hee. :)

I was so happy. I was given William as soon as Jason cut his umbilical cord. I held him for quite a bit and was happy they let me hold him for so long. :) My boy was finally here, with me and Jason. We were proud parents and everything was right in our little world.

Alyx met his brother William for the first time and instantly loved him. :)

My Wilber boys/men :)

Our Family!! 

Also  . . . my boys do smile . . . without the gas. ;)

Welcome to 2013!!

So I apologize I haven't written for a while. There has been times when I thought of doing it, but that's all I did . . . think about it. I was either too lazy or too busy to post the goings on in my life for a while.

Christmas was great!! Except the few days before where Jason and Alyx were both sick and I was trying to take care of them while not getting sick myself. Then after they were better, I felt like I had the flu, and couldn't eat much because my little baby boy was scrunching up my stomach and left no room at all for comfort and spent ALOT of time in the bathroom. :( But ya Christmas was great. lol. Jason surprised me by giving me the Bourne movies, which I love. :) I gave him a super really cool remote control helicopter, and we got Alyx some animal magnets for the fridge and an elephant toy that blows balls out of the trunk kinda thing.

A little after Christmas, we lost access to our warm water due to our pipes being frozen because of the cold and I mean FREAKING COLD air. :( So for six days we went without it, not fun at all. No showers, no washing dishes, limited meals because the lack of clean dishes and frustration all around. Let me tell you, not fun at all.

New Year's was great. Jason and I watched a movie, and we went to bed before 12. No way, could I even try to stay up that late. It's hard to sleep in the night anyway, why am I going to lose sleep in my pregnant state by choice? So that's how we welcomed in the new year. lol. Yep! We were sleeping. :) Ha ha suckers!!!

Jason started his new schedule at school and we are both loving it. He actually can stay home long enough for me to make him breakfast now!! He also gets to spend more time with us, his family! Can you imagine?!? Ya, so we're pretty happy about that.

Last week, we had a scare. We thought I had maybe gone into labor early. It was kinda hard to tell. I was super SUPER mega tight, more so than the braxton hicks but what was really the scary part was . . . it was difficult for me to breathe. Like it felt like my lungs had no room to take all the air in that they needed. So for five minutes or so, I was trying to be calm and relax but terrified out of my mind that it was so difficult to breathe. Jason was trying hard to help me to be comfortable. But I couldn't because I was in so much pain from the lack of oxygen, really the tightness wasn't painful at all, just super tight and uncomfortable. Obviously I didn't go into labor and everything was fine, but it was just a little wake up call.

Now, today is two weeks away from my due date. I am feeling pretty calm and prepared for going into labor any time now. I am excited to meet my new little boy and to hold him in my arms. I do have certain days in my mind that I think would be really cool if he were to be born on them, but really will be happy whenever he does come. :) I can't wait to see my Wilber boys together. My men, my family. All together.

Prayers and Faith

It is important to ALWAYS say your prayers. Don't just do it, when you're having a hard time or wanting something. Do it because the Lord loves you and wants to hear from you, day and night. He will bless you. Also, don't have faith just because life is so wonderful and lose that faith when things go wrong. You should have faith and pray always.

I'm not perfect in this either, so know that I am working on praying more and having faith even during the difficult times. But why I am talking about this is because of the past week.

Jason's work schedule, we knew would change next semester. This would be a critical time just because I'm due at the end of January. Jason told his bosses this and we were hoping for relatively good news on what the classes and times he would teach at. On Friday, we got really bad news. Jason had in fact got the worst schedule of all!! Teaching a new level of class wasn't the biggest issue. He would have to create lesson plans all over again, but he didn't mind doing that too much. It was the gap of when he was teaching his first and second class, first at 8, then at 1. Tuesday and Thursday he would've either had to go to school at 8 and stay up there all day just for his 1 o'clock class or after teaching his first, return home and then go up to school again just to teach. Neither which we liked. Of course all of this wasn't very good news by itself, but to throw in me, having my second baby and to have Jason stressed out and working like crazy and not being able to help out made things worse. That was our huge problem. So we were wondering if he should decline the offer to teach at 8 and just teach at 1, but that would mean a big chunk of money that we wouldn't get. So money with loads of stress or family with very tight budget and more loans? That's what it kinda felt like it came down to.

Jason talked to his bosses and some of his fellow teachers and we just received more bad news. No one wanted to help us and trade schedules. So Jason and I prayed and prayed and tried to figure out what we should do.

On Sunday, I broke down and cried because I was so scared of taking care of a baby and toddler by myself while still recovering from when I would have my second little boy. But I was determined not to be selfish and figure it out so Jason could work both classes and we could have the bigger income.

All we could do was trust in the Lord and pray.

Today, after I put Alyx down from his nap, I called Jason to tell him that I loved him. After I told him, and we chatted a bit, he told me of the miracle.

One of the other student teachers that Jason knew, who had previously said no a few times to switching schedules, had a change of heart. Jason had decided to ask one more time, and thank goodness he did. He was touched by the Spirit and told Jason that he would trade schedules, which has lightened our burden and stress by several tons. :)

It is amazing what prayers, faith, and help from our Heavenly Father can do. Miracles do happen!

Things will work out in the end, as long as we are doing OUR best. :)