My Pain and My Joy

Last week, I was talking to a dear friend of mine while our kids were playing at the park near our house. She and I are both pregnant and I can't remember everything we talked about, but I know at least a little bit we each asked how the other was doing. I also know at one point I told her that I was actually doing rather well despite the time of year it was, meaning that if I had not lost my other baby, sometime this month I would've had him or her. Funny how I thought I was coping and doing well.

Later that day, I had some pain that I hadn't experienced in this pregnancy in my lower abdomen area. I knew it had nothing to do with my skin being stretched out and I eliminated other reasons why I would be in this pain. Not knowing any other reason why I could be in so much pain, my mind was brought back to when I lost my baby earlier this year in March. I was somewhat relieved I wasn't bleeding. But when Jason came home, and I didn't feel like moving much at all because it always caused me more pain, I felt terrified. I told him of my thoughts and the pain I was in and I later asked Jason if he could give me a priesthood blessing. He said he would. But of course with all his homework and him taking care of Alyx more, we ended staying up later than normal and only till we were in bed that he remembered about me wanting a blessing. I told him it was fine and he could give me one the next day.

So once again the next day, he went to school. I took care of Alyx and tried not to think about the possibility of losing another baby or else I couldn't focus on Alyx. We went up to our parents house early because we didn't want to get caught in the snow storm during rush hour. We hung out and only till we put Alyx down for bed did we get our time alone and he gave me a priesthood blessing.

It was a wonderful, beautiful blessing that brought tears to my eyes. But the amazing thing that happened, was what the spirit spoke to my mind and heart near the end of the blessing. I had completely forgotten what had happened a year ago!! All last year through November, December and January I was impressed by the Holy Ghost that it was time to have another child added to our family. After praying and going to the temple, and talking to Jason and my mom, I knew we had to follow the guidance given us. Even though I lost my baby earlier this year didn't mean I was wrong in what was being told to us. There was still a purpose to that other special spirit. But the baby I'm carrying now, is the spirit that was meant to be added to our family at this time.

So my fears and worries went away, completely. I was totally at peace and knowing I am not going to lose this baby. I just needed to remember what was told to me before and have faith. God knows what he's doing and I had a moment of weakness and doubt. I had forgotten the message he had sent me many times over a year ago. It taught me that just because we were told something by the Spirit doesn't mean it will happen right away or in a month or two or three or even a year or couple years. We just need to listen, remember and have faith and do our best to stay close to the Lord.

I know I'll have this darling baby boy. :) Only 75 days till his due date. We will see if he comes earlier or later than that. Time has been flying by!!