This isn't my plan, but I'll follow it anyway . . .

I've said this to multiple people for a long time, but only in the past few weeks has it really started to hit me.

That what I'm doing in my life, I never saw for myself. I mean yes, I knew I would EVENTUALLY marry and EVENTUALLY become a mother and have kids. But the timing of it all I could never say it was mine.

After graduating, I planned on getting my associates at a community college and then heading to Utah State where I would get my degree in Music Therapy. Maybe serving a mission, if that was what the Lord wanted me to do, but I was more leaning in favor than not. Then someday probably mid twenties get married since I didn't think that any guy would see me for who I am until I grew up some more and became more intelligent and talented. Than several years after getting married we would have kids. That was my idea, my plan.

Instead, it took a HUGE surprising turn for the way best.

I did stumble and fall after graduating and made some pretty big mistakes. But with the Atonement and some really great people in my life, I got it back on track, on the Lord's path for me. I married when I turned 20 to my handsome man who is also my bestest friend and stood by my side through the darkest part of my life. He pulled me up and helped me see that I deserved to be loved and treated with kindness. We had prayed with all our hearts and an open mind to what Heavenly Father wanted for our future. Poor as dirt newlyweds and both of us working and going to school, we learned that He wanted us to have a baby. So we did. After some more time, when Alyx was just under a year I had multiple promptings that we needed to be joined by another special spirit. So after some more couple prayer and going to the temple, we knew we needed to listen. William was born. I had dropped school right before Alyx was born and other than working here and there I was a full time mom and Jason fully supported us. Now I am once again pregnant and I feel every week at my 36 weeks because the Holy Ghost prompted Jason that we should have another baby, even when Jason and I had agreed on waiting a whole year more to try again. This was not our plan, but when we are told to do something. It is in our best interest and happiness to follow God's plan for us.

He knows what will bring true happiness. Could I have been happy with my plan? Sure. But would I be this happy as I am now? No!

School was already tough on me. I almost have no interest in generals save for some small sections. But I don't like English, Math, Science or History. I LOVE sports, music, art, cooking, and Spanish. I am able to have my interests in my everyday life. I don't need to go to school when being a wife and a mother not only brings me happiness and joy but is what the Lord has commanded me to do. :)

That doesn't mean I don't struggle in my life. I still have stress and incredibly hard trials. My life is not all full of rainbows and sunshine, but I choose to see the blessings I have. I do my best to stay open to the Holy Ghost and try to do what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I am so SOO INCREDIBLY blessed. I have seen my family and friends suffer in different ways, where I have no comprehension for what they are going through. I am surrounded and blanketed by unconditional love, safety, peace and excitement for my future. I am so grateful and super happy for not only where I am at in life, but WHO I am. 

Life has gone up and down for me, major highs and extreme lows. But whatever he has in store for me, whether it was part of my plan or not, I will do my best to have faith and obey him.