Graduating for the last time!

I am SO incredibly proud of my husband!! :)

Jason has worked really hard to graduate and now has his Master's!! It was awesome to see him walk this past week at the Marriott building. His parents and my mom were there with me as well as a handful of my siblings. They all helped take care of Alyx and William during the graduation. I had a wonderful time too! When the speeches were all done, I debated getting out of my seat and climbing the stairs and walking all the way to the opposite side and down more stairs to take a picture of him. My mother-in-law offered to do it for me, but I really wanted to do it myself.

Well I did it! I was really rushing and trying to take it easy at the same time, and I barely made it! I was walking down the stairs when I heard his name called and I let out a little wahoo. lol. I made it to the bottom and tried to steady myself to take come clear pictures of him walking across.

Yeah, they didn't turn out too well.

 BUT! That didn't matter, because when he saw me standing there, he smiled one of his happiest smiles, and I couldn't help but feel butterflies at the sight. He came over to me and gave me a kiss, and then another and left me smiling. Seriously perma grin, cloud 9 feeling. One of the ladies standing with all the other parents/spouses made a comment that she would've totally taken that picture for me. I smiled and laughed, wishing it was captured on my camera but knowing there was no way we could have really caught the moment. I thanked her and headed back to my seat. The workout was more than worth it. My happiness at seeing Jason's smile and getting his kisses were etched in my heart. I later asked him if he had expected to see me there and told me he didn't. Hence why he smiled that way. It was incredible! :)

Later after the grand graduation of the Humanities had finished I surprised him with a party for him at home. :) Super awesome day for my super awesome, incredibly handsome and smart husband, whom I love with all my heart and soul. :)

This isn't my plan, but I'll follow it anyway . . .

I've said this to multiple people for a long time, but only in the past few weeks has it really started to hit me.

That what I'm doing in my life, I never saw for myself. I mean yes, I knew I would EVENTUALLY marry and EVENTUALLY become a mother and have kids. But the timing of it all I could never say it was mine.

After graduating, I planned on getting my associates at a community college and then heading to Utah State where I would get my degree in Music Therapy. Maybe serving a mission, if that was what the Lord wanted me to do, but I was more leaning in favor than not. Then someday probably mid twenties get married since I didn't think that any guy would see me for who I am until I grew up some more and became more intelligent and talented. Than several years after getting married we would have kids. That was my idea, my plan.

Instead, it took a HUGE surprising turn for the way best.

I did stumble and fall after graduating and made some pretty big mistakes. But with the Atonement and some really great people in my life, I got it back on track, on the Lord's path for me. I married when I turned 20 to my handsome man who is also my bestest friend and stood by my side through the darkest part of my life. He pulled me up and helped me see that I deserved to be loved and treated with kindness. We had prayed with all our hearts and an open mind to what Heavenly Father wanted for our future. Poor as dirt newlyweds and both of us working and going to school, we learned that He wanted us to have a baby. So we did. After some more time, when Alyx was just under a year I had multiple promptings that we needed to be joined by another special spirit. So after some more couple prayer and going to the temple, we knew we needed to listen. William was born. I had dropped school right before Alyx was born and other than working here and there I was a full time mom and Jason fully supported us. Now I am once again pregnant and I feel every week at my 36 weeks because the Holy Ghost prompted Jason that we should have another baby, even when Jason and I had agreed on waiting a whole year more to try again. This was not our plan, but when we are told to do something. It is in our best interest and happiness to follow God's plan for us.

He knows what will bring true happiness. Could I have been happy with my plan? Sure. But would I be this happy as I am now? No!

School was already tough on me. I almost have no interest in generals save for some small sections. But I don't like English, Math, Science or History. I LOVE sports, music, art, cooking, and Spanish. I am able to have my interests in my everyday life. I don't need to go to school when being a wife and a mother not only brings me happiness and joy but is what the Lord has commanded me to do. :)

That doesn't mean I don't struggle in my life. I still have stress and incredibly hard trials. My life is not all full of rainbows and sunshine, but I choose to see the blessings I have. I do my best to stay open to the Holy Ghost and try to do what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I am so SOO INCREDIBLY blessed. I have seen my family and friends suffer in different ways, where I have no comprehension for what they are going through. I am surrounded and blanketed by unconditional love, safety, peace and excitement for my future. I am so grateful and super happy for not only where I am at in life, but WHO I am. 

Life has gone up and down for me, major highs and extreme lows. But whatever he has in store for me, whether it was part of my plan or not, I will do my best to have faith and obey him.

My little but BIG miracle!

Last night something very wonderful happened . . . . Alyx, my first born, wild child and darling boy WANTED to sit on my lap.

Now let me tell you that shocked me. He is known to be very super active and all over the place. Not really affectionate (hugs, kisses and cuddles). Also quite the daddy's boy. Always wants to hold daddy's hand, not mine, be on daddy's lap and gets upset if William is sitting on Jason's lap. When you get a hug from Alyx and it's longer than two seconds, it is really precious.

So I was surprised when not only he proceeded to sit on my lap. But for a minute or two, he CUDDLED with me and didn't move when I put my arms around him!!!!!!!!!

Some might not see that as a big deal and brush it off. Or think that was nice, but to me. TO ME. It was one of the best gifts I have been given. A gift of love. It melted me, my mother heart was bursting with happiness and overflowing with gratitude. I soaked it all in. I tried my best to imprint the moment in my mind. Knowing it could be a very very long time before that happened again.

I love all my children. Born and yet to be born.
With each child, there is always a special place in my heart for them.

Alyx, he made me a mother. He is the first person in my life that really needed me 24/7 and depended on me for everything. I experienced such extreme joy when he was placed in my arms the day he was born. I experienced sorrow at when they had to take him away to do tests, or give him shots. He is my first and no one else can take his place in my life. I love him sooo much!!! I am far from being the best or perfect mother, but I am trying. I try to help him smile. I try to teach him what he needs to know. I try to teach him to love others. Life is never easy, and Alyx comes with his challenges as any child does. But I make sure he knows that I love him, and hope that he never doubts that as he grows older.

Balance

I can't give a really good reason for why I haven't blogged in forever. I could say I was busy, and I was, but that isn't the whole truth. Lazy? Maybe. Forgot I had a blog? That was a huge chunk of it. Until I had a friend tell me that she loved reading my blog posts and missed me writing the goings on in my life. Also I had several other friends who took up blogging and that reminded me that I had one too. So I am at it once again! But I'm not only doing it for those who happen to want to read this, but I am doing it for me.

I have realized I missed it. It was actually a lot like therapy for me. It also has helped me remember things as I re-read my thoughts, feelings and past events in my life.

I am also doing it for my children. Even though the chances are slim, they might actually be interested in what I write.

I have over the past few weeks, changed my daily tasks to improve my life and that of my family. Trying to attain a balance in my life that gives me peace and happiness. Still cleaned, but tried to not overwork myself and yet not let the house look like a tornado swept through. Improved my daily prayer and scripture habits, and couple prayer/scripture study with Jason. Also, added some fun new activities for the boys to do that will help their creativity, and have them end up with the smiley faces that I adore.

But I am lacking in me time. Yet another reason, I am taking up blogging again. Because I enjoy it!

In a few weeks, my life will yet again have me struggle to find a new balance . . .

Why?

I am happy and excited to say, my boys will be joined by another wonderful little boy. My three Wilber musketeers. :) I still can't believe I will be having my third child so soon. His due date is May 15th, not long after my birthday and my 5th anniversary to being sealed for time and all eternity to Jason. But I know with all my heart, that he's meant to be here at this time.

Life will continue to always be busy and so many things to do, especially with a new little one on the way, but I will find some time to write and try to keep a happy balance in my life. :)