Prayers and Faith

It is important to ALWAYS say your prayers. Don't just do it, when you're having a hard time or wanting something. Do it because the Lord loves you and wants to hear from you, day and night. He will bless you. Also, don't have faith just because life is so wonderful and lose that faith when things go wrong. You should have faith and pray always.

I'm not perfect in this either, so know that I am working on praying more and having faith even during the difficult times. But why I am talking about this is because of the past week.

Jason's work schedule, we knew would change next semester. This would be a critical time just because I'm due at the end of January. Jason told his bosses this and we were hoping for relatively good news on what the classes and times he would teach at. On Friday, we got really bad news. Jason had in fact got the worst schedule of all!! Teaching a new level of class wasn't the biggest issue. He would have to create lesson plans all over again, but he didn't mind doing that too much. It was the gap of when he was teaching his first and second class, first at 8, then at 1. Tuesday and Thursday he would've either had to go to school at 8 and stay up there all day just for his 1 o'clock class or after teaching his first, return home and then go up to school again just to teach. Neither which we liked. Of course all of this wasn't very good news by itself, but to throw in me, having my second baby and to have Jason stressed out and working like crazy and not being able to help out made things worse. That was our huge problem. So we were wondering if he should decline the offer to teach at 8 and just teach at 1, but that would mean a big chunk of money that we wouldn't get. So money with loads of stress or family with very tight budget and more loans? That's what it kinda felt like it came down to.

Jason talked to his bosses and some of his fellow teachers and we just received more bad news. No one wanted to help us and trade schedules. So Jason and I prayed and prayed and tried to figure out what we should do.

On Sunday, I broke down and cried because I was so scared of taking care of a baby and toddler by myself while still recovering from when I would have my second little boy. But I was determined not to be selfish and figure it out so Jason could work both classes and we could have the bigger income.

All we could do was trust in the Lord and pray.

Today, after I put Alyx down from his nap, I called Jason to tell him that I loved him. After I told him, and we chatted a bit, he told me of the miracle.

One of the other student teachers that Jason knew, who had previously said no a few times to switching schedules, had a change of heart. Jason had decided to ask one more time, and thank goodness he did. He was touched by the Spirit and told Jason that he would trade schedules, which has lightened our burden and stress by several tons. :)

It is amazing what prayers, faith, and help from our Heavenly Father can do. Miracles do happen!

Things will work out in the end, as long as we are doing OUR best. :)

My Pain and My Joy

Last week, I was talking to a dear friend of mine while our kids were playing at the park near our house. She and I are both pregnant and I can't remember everything we talked about, but I know at least a little bit we each asked how the other was doing. I also know at one point I told her that I was actually doing rather well despite the time of year it was, meaning that if I had not lost my other baby, sometime this month I would've had him or her. Funny how I thought I was coping and doing well.

Later that day, I had some pain that I hadn't experienced in this pregnancy in my lower abdomen area. I knew it had nothing to do with my skin being stretched out and I eliminated other reasons why I would be in this pain. Not knowing any other reason why I could be in so much pain, my mind was brought back to when I lost my baby earlier this year in March. I was somewhat relieved I wasn't bleeding. But when Jason came home, and I didn't feel like moving much at all because it always caused me more pain, I felt terrified. I told him of my thoughts and the pain I was in and I later asked Jason if he could give me a priesthood blessing. He said he would. But of course with all his homework and him taking care of Alyx more, we ended staying up later than normal and only till we were in bed that he remembered about me wanting a blessing. I told him it was fine and he could give me one the next day.

So once again the next day, he went to school. I took care of Alyx and tried not to think about the possibility of losing another baby or else I couldn't focus on Alyx. We went up to our parents house early because we didn't want to get caught in the snow storm during rush hour. We hung out and only till we put Alyx down for bed did we get our time alone and he gave me a priesthood blessing.

It was a wonderful, beautiful blessing that brought tears to my eyes. But the amazing thing that happened, was what the spirit spoke to my mind and heart near the end of the blessing. I had completely forgotten what had happened a year ago!! All last year through November, December and January I was impressed by the Holy Ghost that it was time to have another child added to our family. After praying and going to the temple, and talking to Jason and my mom, I knew we had to follow the guidance given us. Even though I lost my baby earlier this year didn't mean I was wrong in what was being told to us. There was still a purpose to that other special spirit. But the baby I'm carrying now, is the spirit that was meant to be added to our family at this time.

So my fears and worries went away, completely. I was totally at peace and knowing I am not going to lose this baby. I just needed to remember what was told to me before and have faith. God knows what he's doing and I had a moment of weakness and doubt. I had forgotten the message he had sent me many times over a year ago. It taught me that just because we were told something by the Spirit doesn't mean it will happen right away or in a month or two or three or even a year or couple years. We just need to listen, remember and have faith and do our best to stay close to the Lord.

I know I'll have this darling baby boy. :) Only 75 days till his due date. We will see if he comes earlier or later than that. Time has been flying by!!

Welcome to the last trimester!!

Woot! I am here, another mile stone accomplished. Honestly, this pregnancy has been a WHOLE lot easier than when I was pregnant with Alyx. He was tough on me. Heartburn like CRAZY!!! Every day eating tums throughout the day and sometimes if it wasn't enough I made myself throw up just to get rid of the burning because nothing worked. He kicked me a lot in the ribs too. He also didn't like me eating bananas. haha.

Now this little baby boy, completely different. He likes resting lower in me so I hardly have heartburn. Maybe once a week or so . . . if that. Also last night was the first time I had some minor pain as he decided to give a little kick to my ribs. But where he generally stays away from my ribs, he still is quite the active little guy. :)

I count my lucky stars that so far, everything is going well and I have made it this far. Not like I've been extremely worried that I wouldn't, but just that because of what happened earlier this year and me losing a baby kinda made me just a little more cautious. I am so happy that I'm pregnant again, or around this time, it could've been a lot harder for me to deal with. With my last baby, I was due in about a week and a half. So I am counting my lucky stars I have another baby. Making it to the third trimester has been a prayer I have kept in my heart.

I know I am blessed. I have a good and happy life. I have a wonderful, dedicated, and loving husband who is a fantastic father and he is gifted with smarts in many languages. I already have a son who is constantly making me smile and laugh and growing up so quickly. Now I have the joy to have another son, a baby to hold in my arms again. Someone who will help me heal the part of my mother heart that has been broken and not quite fixed. I am super excited to meet my new baby boy. :) My William.

Best thing in the morning

Besides sleeping in . . . and eating some yummy breakfast, I actually look forward to when my sweet little boy wakes up. YES!! I actually love it when he wakes up. :) It's because as soon as I open the door, I know what's going to happen.      

I'll open the door and see his smiling face and him bouncing up and down on his crib. It is one of the cutest sights to see. We will then proceed to play around, peek-a-boo, or him lying on his crib and moving around as I 'attempt' to tickle him. Sometimes he will start bouncing all over again. Then when I finally get him out of his crib, he will point to his blanket. After I pick it up, he will have his arms wrapped around me and lie his head on my shoulder. I then wrap the blanket around him and we will snuggle for a bit.

Once in a while in the day he will bring me his blanket again telling me he wants me to wrap him up in it and cuddle some more.

:)

I love these moments with Alyx. It's some of my favorite mommy moments.

100 days!!

I can now start the REAL countdown till my due date. :)

No more triple digits after today. To me, that means it will go by a lot faster. 90's, 80's and so on days till I meet my new little baby boy. I am thrilled!! :)  . . . of course I'm scared and nervous too, but that's only natural and I'm sure after a few weeks I'll get the hang of being a mom to two children, both boys. :)

I'm also curious, because of course generally everyone thinks their kids are the cutest . . . and I for one can not be blamed for thinking I have the cutest boy. lol. So now, how is this new baby boy going to compare? I think that he will be just as cute as Alyx. Sooo, it will have to probably end up being a tie. I'll have the top TWO cutest boys in the world!!!! lol. :) Well I actually have to say three, since Jason should be included, but he's more of a handsome man. ;) But he is pretty cute when he's playing around with Alyx. Whether it's building blocks with him, reading books, or any other fun cute thing they do together, I'm excited to see this family have our new addition and grow and join on in the Wilber fun.

I love my mother!

I know it's no where near Mother's day, but I have been thinking about my mom a lot lately and I feel the need to tell you how amazing she is and how much I look up to her and to tell you a little about her.

I know how everyone has a hard life, but honestly . . . I think my mom has been dealt one of of the most difficult ever. Her mom was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver, she has had two horrible previous marriages and is finally with the man that she is going to be with for eternity, but even that, like everything else worth something needs to be worked on. Her ex is still, after a more than a decade of being divorced harasses and threatens her. She also has so many worries for each of her children and then not to mention the daily struggles that come with every day of life. How does she handle it? With patience, love, hope and compassion. She has had all the reason to be angry and mad. But if you look at her, you would never know. I don't know how she does it, pray a ton I bet. But no really, if I were in her shoes. I'd be screaming my head off and on a rage. Instead, she is a beautiful angel who doesn't life (or those in it) tear her down.

As a mother of six kids, she already leads a busy life. I mean, all moms are busy with only one! But she has a kid who is a mom herself *cough cough*, a kid who is in college and maybe serving a mission in the near future, a kid in high school, a kid in jr. high, another one in elementary and one not even in preschool yet. Wow! But she balances it all out and is able to give us all the love we need from her. She does her best to support all six of us in out interests and daily lives.

It's hard to be a mom, and even harder to see your kids suffer at someone else's hands, or watching them go through trials themselves. She has done a wonderful job teaching us to love the gospel and encouraging us to go to our Young Women or Relief Society activities.

She is a pillar of strength for me. Someone who I can go to when I'm feeling down, or even when I'm feeling happy and need to share some good news with. She's always willing to listen to me, even when she has other things she needs to do, she takes the time to listen to what I have to say.

She is also very VERY talented!! Beautiful singing voice and plays the piano pretty well. She also knows how to play the flute. She loves to dance, be silly and have fun with her kids. She raised me on some of the best music ever in life. Like Neil Diamond, Carpenters and ABBA just to name a few. She makes gorgeous wedding cakes, even if she doesn't think so (she can be such a perfectionist sometimes). She is also an amazing cook, turning food into a feast! She is also very funny, in which I think she is like her mother. :) Growing up, my friends told me I have such a cool mom. I do!! :) She hardly ever thinks of herself, because she is ALWAYS constantly thinking of others. So my sisters and I have to sometimes remind her to slow down and take some time to herself, which can be difficult to get her to do. Have I mentioned that she is also very beautiful and I have always wanted to look more like her? She is hard working. She is one of my best friends. She is my mother and I love her. I'm hoping that I can be as good as a mother to my kids as she has been to me. She is a spectacular mother!!! I try so hard to make sure she knows that. She deserves the best and to be happy and loved.

There are so many other amazing things about my mom, the list can really go on and on. But I guess for now, this will have to do. :)

Our newest addition is a . . .

GUESS WHAT!!! I found out what my baby is!!! :)


Just a few pix . . . ok maybe more than a few. :) But they're all super cute!!!!

"It's a what?!?!"

My little baby bump! 

Way excited! SUPER EXCITED!

Can you tell? I'm just a little excited. lol. Like ALOT!!!

Tomorrow I'm finding out if I'm having another son, or my first daughter!! WOOT!!

I have had a countdown since I set the appointment up, and then with each passing week I frequently celebrated that I was that much closer to finding out the gender of my baby. Then when it got to one week, I of course was counting the few days left.

Now I'm just down to a matter of hours!!!

Really! I believe I'm just as excited about finding out about this baby as I was when I found out about Alyx. The difference is, I'm going to keep it a secret for two days!! Which will be hard since I'll be dying to let people know. But I want to tell our parents and siblings in person, in a special way. hee hee. :)

A lot of people ask me what I'm hoping for, honestly? A girl, but if it's a boy I'm super stoked too!

When it comes down to it. I really really just want my baby. I love being a mom. It is super fun and makes me happy. Not like it's easy and it can be frustrating at times. But it is sooo what I was meant to be. :) I love kids, and adore my little Alyx and am way attached to this baby I will soon put a name to . . . that is if it's a girl. We're not cement on a boy name yet. But that's ok, we got some time. :)

I'll probably give you guys an update in a few days about what we're having after we tell family.

Family pix

So I had these taken a few weeks ago by a wonderful friend of mine. I think they turned out pretty well! :)

A few pictures of all three of us. 

And then a few of Alyx with Jason or me.

My cool good-looking dudes. :)

I was told by my husband and a sister that I looked like my mom in this one.

My mom told me she could see her mom in this. :)

 :) Makes me smile. :) 

Last but not least an adorable picture of my son Alyxander.

Gotta love that face. ;)

Working things out

So no marriage is perfect, and mine is no exception. Jason and I have our fights and arguments just like everyone else. The important thing is that at the end of the fight, you make sure that if feelings were hurt, you say sorry and let them know you love them you talk it out without anger and listen when it's their turn to talk.

A couple days ago, Jason and I had our worst argument ever, but before the night was through. I knew Jason had had a long day at work, we had sat at the doctor's office for Alyx's 18 month check up for forever and grabbed some dinner on our way home. By the time we arrived, I didn't want to be around Jason and needed a break. So I took some 'me' time, then went shopping for food and came home. I got ready to go visiting teaching and started out when Jason and I exchanged a lot of words and actions that were far from loving. I broke down crying, grabbed Alyx and met with my VT partner. I knew then I was in no mood to teach and couldn't compose myself. Part of me didn't even want to head back to Jason that night, but another part of me wanted to go to him and fix things. Thankfully I have amazing friends/neighbors. My partner went to the girl we were going to see and told her I wasn't able to come that night. I had another neighbor take Alyx for a bit so I could talk to Jason without worrying about Alyx.

I went home and Jason and I immediately hugged each other and said we were sorry. We sat down and talked for a bit until we understood what happened. Another thing, most fights stem from very stupid and silly things. After we talked, we shared a heartfelt prayer and kiss. I love Jason. I know we will get into disagreements in the future and have hard times, but we will ALWAYS say sorry to each other and work things out. :) So I was totally happy with how things were, but the next morning Jason surprised me even more.

He bought me two dozen roses!! He said the white was because he was sorry about the night before. The red roses were because he loved me. I have such a wonderful thoughtful husband, who goes the extra extra mile. :)

Professor Wilber

So Jason has now finished his first week as a teacher! I'm so proud of him. :) He is teaching Spanish 105 while going to school as well. So far he has enjoyed it, from what I can tell. He is working hard to help teach his students Spanish and working on his Master's program. I've tried to help where I can. Massage him (almost every day), give him input and suggestions if needed, and help create some slide shows on his computer.

Here is my handsome husband for his first day of work/school. Since he works at school. ;)

We're also hoping and praying he can get a grant or two next spring. There is one where we can get around $15,000 for whatever we need, (a new car would be nice) or $5,000 to spend while living in a foreign country for two months that would help him for his thesis. So who knows? We might live in Spain or Portugal or somewhere like that a few months after the baby is born. Which would be pretty funny since we went to Japan a few months after Alyx was born. I just hope we don't always keep that tradition up since it's really hard to travel with a little baby and adjust to a whole new time change, but this time we would be traveling with a toddler AND a baby. Oh boy. lol. But I really am excited for the possibility to live in another country, especially since this time I could understand the language a whole lot better than when I lived in Japan. :)

Stupid nightmares

So I've reached the stage in pregnancy where I'm getting enough weight 'in front' to make me restless, wake up several times in the night and sometimes gives me pain. AS IF that wasn't bad enough . . . recently I've had a few nightmares that make me want to curl up and cry and won't let me go back to sleep. You know what I mean, they just stay on your brain, even when you're trying to think of happy things. So you end up waking up and tossing and turning for half an hour or so attempting to go back to sleep but you end up just thinking about your nightmare that whole entire time. Ya, that's when you need to get up and just start your day. So that's what I did.

Anyway, so I'm normally tired from lack of sleep these days but it doesn't help when I have nightmares that make me feel as if I'm an inch tall, if that. Not like I'm saying that was what my nightmare was about, ha ha, just that those who I really care about making me an outcast kinda thing, which is actually how I feel about things sometimes. Funny how things in reality can get twisted and be made worse in nightmares than they really are. Actually not so funny, but you get the picture.

Skin Care

Everyone has heard that they need to take care of their skin, it's common knowledge, but that doesn't mean everyone does it or that we do it all the time. Well I've taken care of my skin off and on over the years, making sure I put sunscreen on, cleaning and moisturizing my face and trying to get rid of stupid annoying imperfections.

Recently after researching about a lot of stuff on line and what would be best for MY skin, I bought only one product, I already had my moisturizer and cleanser and found the rest of the stuff I would need to help with my face in my kitchen. YES, my kitchen!!! 

Simple products like sugar, milk, honey, lemon juice, olive oil, oatmeal, yogurt and avocado and a combination of a few can be turned into a scrub, mask or some other treatment to help your face. The results are AMAZING!! I started a week ago and love the look and feeling that I get after it's done. I even put the sugar mixture scrub on my legs and arms and Jason notices the difference too. Lol. So I'm hoping that maybe after a month or two of taking care of my skin daily and sticking to it, I'll start to look better and maybe keep myself looking young and beautiful for life. :)

Update on my breaking news

So if you read my last post and could read Spanish or translated it online, you know that I am pregnant again for the third time. 

YAY!!! 

I am so incredibly blessed to have this baby. I'm feeling much better too . . . sometimes. lol. I only got sick once so far but having to eat is still a pain as I don't feel like eating most the time and I had my first night of this pregnancy heartburn. Ugh. But with every day and every week that I'm still pregnant and well, I count my lucky stars and become more and more excited. 

I'm now almost 15 weeks which means in another 5 weeks or so I will find out if Alyx is having a sister or a brother. :) 

I am hoping for a girl, but if it's a boy I will be extremely happy too, as long as they're healthy and well. But I do really want a daughter. ;) I already have her name picked out. Jason and I kinda struggle with boy names that we love but we have a few good names picked out and that we're closing in on. 

I also am teaching Alyx and trying to get him to say baby. I talk to him often about how he's going to be a big brother and ask him if he knows if he's having a sister or a brother. One of my favorite things about being pregnant again is how Jason wraps his arms around me and rests his hand on where our baby is. It's so sweet and I think our baby likes it too. It always seems to relax and soothe me as well. Occasionally he will try to listen for the heartbeat to which I'll laugh or he will kiss my tummy. I love my husband so much! :) He is so wonderful to me and a fantastic father to our son Alyx. I can't believe how I ended up with such a wonderful and growing family. :)

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

All these pictures are sooo cute, but then again it's Alyx, couldn't go wrong with him. :) But in case you can't read the text on his shirt I'll let you know what it says in Spanish.

Soy el hermano mayor. 

Need I say more? :) 

 . . . . .

Well I guess it is in another language, but it's still not that hard to figure out. ;) Use the internet.

Star Struck

Now I know what it means, and have heard of people experiencing it, but I always kinda rolled my eyes.

Well . . . now I went through it and laugh at myself. When people are star stuck, it's pretty easy to act silly.

On Saturday, Jason and I went to watch a movie, more specifically, "The Avengers". :) I had already seen it, but Jason hadn't. So we went to Megaplex, grabbed some delicious buttery popcorn and drinks and watched it. Now while the movie is super fantastic and I totally LOVE it, it paled in comparison to what happened when the movie was over, at least for me. hahaha.

Now we were walking out and headed to our car when Jason said, "Was that President Eyring?"

I stopped, and turned around opening the doors to get back in. My husband followed me.

I could see the backs of a old couple but didn't budge. Jason asked me if I wanted to go see if it was him. I nodded. He grabbed my hand and led me along to see.

It was him!!! I felt utterly ridiculous and couldn't stop smiling as we approached him. Jason shook his hand and introduced us, I then shook HENRY B. EYRING's HAND!!!

I'm like wow!!! He told us how he and his wife were there with his grandchildren going to watch Madagascar 3. We told him we just watched Avengers. Jason mentioned how he met Pres. Eyring at the MTC before his mission and shook his hand there as well. I then told a silly story about my parents seeing him at Sizzler and how my step-dad had recognized him but thought he was from the stake and didn't realize till later when my mom said "Do you know who that was?"

Ya, I'm dumb. I didn't need to tell him that story, I couldn't really think of anything to say besides nice to meet you. So I told him that story, grrr, I bet he gets people like me all the time who are too tongue twisted to say anything worth while. But I couldn't help it!! While I don't hold any hopes of ever meeting the prophet, I still met one of his counselors, which is pretty amazing for me!

While on the outside I couldn't help having a dumb smile on my face, inside I felt like I was having a jaw dropping moment. On the way home Jason mentioned how Pres Eyring's wife probably never gets too much attention. That struck something inside me. I instantly felt bad. I mean we can't help it to recognize the men of the church, but what of their sweet wonderful wives?!?! They support their husbands soo much and sacrifice alot, but it's not like people recognize or shake their hands all the time.

I wish I could have given her a hug. :( I wish I could have let her know that I think she's amazing. Because behind every amazing man, there is a wonderful strong woman supporting and loving her husband . . . or something like that. :)

For the rest of the day, I felt like I was floating a little higher though.

So much to say, in the month of May. hahaha.

Ok, sorry about that. Just seemed to come to me. :)

Anyway, besides birthday and wedding anniversary and mother's day. WHEW! Today is another sort of special day, three years ago, I met my sweet and good-looking husband!! :) I'm not going to tell the story again, if you want to know how we met, you can read it here.Our story. So I'm really looking forward to the future and seeing what will happen in the next couple years.

But besides that, I also wanted to bring up Alyx . . . of course. It seems to me that he just walks when he wants to. He doesn't walk all the time yet, but just when he feels like it. Two days ago, he walked a LOT!! It seems like every twenty minutes (or less) he was standing up and taking steps all around our house. I caught a video but  it won't let me play it on here. So we will try again to get it on here later (with Jason's help, I'm sure). Another thing about Alyx, lately he seemed to be super cranky, even when it wasn't close to nap time and after he was fed and changed. So I checked on his teething status, knowing that he had a molar still breaking through his gums. Well it was poking through and looking about half way done. But I noticed something, he has TWO other molars coming in!!! My poor boy! So after those two are done, he will have a total of five molars besides the front teeth that he has.

Something I've been looking forward to is next week . . . it has beautiful beaches, several theme parks to go to, a gorgeous temple that is described as a castle and Jason's parents are bringing all of us and his siblings to go for a vacation there for a whole week plus a few days!! CALIFORNIA here we come!!! I'm so excited and can't wait to have some good amount of family time. I'll have to let you know about the trip when we come back of course. My biggest hope for this trip besides having fun, is to have some of Jason's family watch Alyx for a bit while Jason and I do a short session in the temple. I mean, I don't know when I'll have an opportunity like that again. The San Diego temple is amazing, last time I was there I did baptisms with my mom for my graduation trip (for High School). So if I do sealings or endowments with Jason, I'll really be in heaven. :) I would like to get a nice tan too though. ;)

Now if only I can get in shape and lose that baby fat and extra pounds!!!

I Cross My Heart

Ever heard of George Strait? The country singer?? I love some of his songs and "I cross my heart" is at the top. If you haven't heard it before I highly recommend listening to it. If you have heard it before, I say listen to it again. :) But beware, it may make you cry, so get the tissues ready.

Why am I mentioning this again? Oh ya . . . my 2nd year anniversary. :) So after researching and looking on the internet for hours and hours over the course of a few weeks, (not every day) because this year I was in charge of it, this is what we did.

Dropped off Alyx at my mom's.

Walked around Memory Grove Park hand in hand for a bit.

Went to Color Me Mine and painted a plate and a heart shaped plaque. (I'll show pictures of them once we get them back from being glazed) Jason even admitted it was more fun than he thought it would be. lol. :) Like I would plan something dumb and boring.

Then we checked in a hotel and changed into dressy clothes AND . . . . . ate dinner at THE ROOF!!! :)
Oh my gosh, I knew the food was going to be great, but seriously!!! It was heaven. They also had over 20 desserts and I had creme brulee for the first time and I loved it. Besides the food and the good looking company, I made sure that when I reserved a while back I asked for a ROMANTIC view, and we got it. :) Perfect view of the Salt Lake City temple and at a time where we would see the sunset and watched the temple light up. The pianist playing that night was amazing too, like soo talented at the piano. There were a few twenties even in the jar for tips. Later we gave her a $5. But anyway, I requested a song partway through dinner, I Cross My Heart. :) When I went back to Jason and eating, I heard that the song she was currently playing end and she started playing my song. :) I got the urge to dance and asked Jason if we could. After a little bit of pleading, I convinced him that we should. I mean, the tables around us were empty, so it's not like we would be bothering anyone. So there I was in Jason's arms, dancing, at The Roof, a view of the temple and the lovely song playing.

I was beyond cloud 9. So what could have been better than that? Later when Jason was finishing his food, I requested one more song, and it wasn't even on the list that the lady had of songs she could play.

I asked if she knew the song "So Close". She said, "Is it the one from Enchanted?" I said yes and explained how it was the song Jason and I first danced to as husband and wife and that today was our 2nd anniversary. She said that she would try to play it. I thanked her and went back to Jason. A little bit later, I heard the beautiful song I requested start to play.

We just had to dance one more time. So we did. We even danced longer than the first time. A cute old lady even gave us thumbs up. lol. :) It was wonderfully and totally romantic. I mean, how many people can say they danced at the roof once, or even twice, with their special someone and with 'their song' playing?

Sorry, anyway, just had to share that. The next day we also did sealings in the Bountiful temple and remembered the way it had been on the day we got married. :)

I'm so happy that Jason stuck with me and asked me to marry him. I couldn't have asked for a better man. He is so patient with me and is man enough to say sorry when things go wrong. He also forgives me when I make mistakes. He lets me cry and loves to dance with me. He makes me laugh and works so hard in school to make sure that in the future he will get a job that can support our family. I love to watch him play with Alyx and read books to him. He's a fantastic father, husband and my very best friend. I love him so much and am looking forward to seeing how our love will grow even stronger in the years to come.

Another year gone

I feel old . . . not old old, but sometimes I wonder, how did I grow up and another year passing without me really thinking about it? Sometimes it's weird to think about that I'm married and have a baby and have gone through a lot of crazy fun adventures and horrible living nightmares and I'm just in my early twenties. 

I joke that even though it's my birthday today, I'm not going to turn another year older till the time I was born. Doesn't that make sense? Cause technically I'm still 21. :) hehe. 

I remember when I was young . . . er, my mom would let me wait up till the time I was born. Some years it wasn't so easy, even if it's not super super late. But I remember how excited I was and how it was in a way a present to me. Sometimes my mom would watch the clock with me. But now that I'm married and living away, if she's not asleep, she'll send me a text and celebrate with me that way. 

I don't know what all the plans are for today. Since I left it in Jason's hands. :) I do know that we're going shopping for shoes. YAY! lol. Also he made me blueberry waffles this morning. Later for dinner we might go to  Tucanos, I love that place!!! AND!!! Jason said that he would make me brownies or cookies (not much of a cake person). 

I know how MUCH you would love for me to go on and on and on. But really I must go, for I am tired. The one time I should be able to sleep in, my body decides to stay awake for almost two hours after Jason got up and went to work (he gets up at 3:40 in the morning). So ugh. I will now say goodnight, er goodbye. :)

April Fools, this is not a joke

What I'm about to say, is all in seriousness.

On April Fools day, I was planning on telling my family that I was pregnant. People do that kind of thing all the time on April Fools day. Some people would believe them, some people knew it would be just a joke. This is what I was counting on, people thinking it was just a joke, but the joke would be that it was the truth. So we would really fool them. It was supposed to be a wonderful day, and we would enjoy General Conference together and have a great time.

Life sometimes doesn't go the way you want it to.

Almost a week and a half before April 1st, my pregnancy took a nasty painful turn. I lost my baby.

I remember when Jason and I went to the hospital, I couldn't stop crying during the ultrasound. I prayed and prayed while trying to wipe the tears from my face. I pictured my Grandma Taylor (my mom's mom) who had died when I was seven, comforting me. I held onto that feeling through the process. I know now that my spirit had known then that my baby was gone while my physical self was still holding onto hope that my baby would be ok. Later the doctor called and gave me the sad news.

I wasn't super far along, but I was still super attached to that baby inside of me. When we lost our baby, I was very confused. Months and months ago, I had received thoughts and impressions from the Spirit that told me we were supposed to have another child. So I trusted in the Lord, Jason and I prayed and felt good in what was to come. When we found out we were pregnant, we were very excited and happy. We were teaching Alyx to say baby and looking at baby names. So it was very difficult to understand why we lost our baby when we were told that we should have another one. Our pain was immense and still is to some degree. But we prayed for help and understanding. I had a blessing that was exactly what I needed. I wrote down my thoughts and feelings, those words turned into the poem The day I hold you.

It still is hard for me to know that my baby is gone. We might never know why exactly I lost the baby, but I'm holding onto the thoughts that I'll have that baby come back to me someday. Maybe I went through this experience because the baby's body had something wrong with it, or that I might be able to help others who go through the same thing as I did. But whatever reason it was, I know that I will be able to have kids still and  that it wasn't my fault.

I wrote this because I needed to write it down, to express my sorrow and heartache. To get it out there and maybe show that my life is not always happy. That I go through trials too. I am not so strong as people think I am. But I am doing my best and living life. 

My baby boy is growing up

So it's been a while since I have blogged about my family life. My apologies, I really meant to blog a few times, but life has gotten in the way and so many things have been happening.

Alyx is now 1 years old. Really he's thirteen months and a half or so. lol. I've come to appreciate Alyx more than I ever thought I could, due to some recent happenings in my life (will talk about that later in the next blog) and how much I love him and am grateful that he came into my life in the form of a little boy.

Alyxander Michael Wilber, how did he grow up so fast?! He came into the world as one of the most alert babies I know. Always looking around at people and things. Said 'ma ma' at 6 months and crawling at 7. Now he's soon to be walking in a week or so as he is constantly standing and taking steps. He says 'uh oh' and we're trying to teach him 'da da'. Such a happy little guy who loves his family and laughs every day, as well as making others smile and laugh. He is a world traveler already and will continue to travel in the next few years of his life. To one or two other states and maybe another country!!! YAY!! Not only that, but Alyx is very very tuned in with emotions. He loves giving hugs and is so precious to me. I love my little boy.

Here's just a few favorite pics in the first year of his life . . . .

would have other pictures but I can't find them at the moment . . . grrr. Just know that he's a handsome stud and has an adorable smile. :) He's also looking more like a little boy and losing his baby look.

Working out and gettin into shape. :)

Sooo I've had a gym membership for a couple of months now and just used it for the first time yesterday. It felt great! I mean I might've been kinda shaky and looking pretty stupid trying to stay standing after I got off the machine (dunno what it's called). It wasn't the treadmill, not the bike, kinda like a smooth walking thing amabob. lol. But after supporting myself and doing a few stretches I was fine, just thirsty.

Anyway I got to thinking that I would like to record how far I run, how many calories I burn, and the time I do it in. Just wish I thought of that last night. :(

Not like I think you would be interested in the outcome each time, but hey, I was pretty proud of myself for doing so much when I haven't done that kind of thing in a long time, being a mom and all. ;)

Day 1 at the gym
Miles: Over 3
Calories: 400 something
Time: 1 hour

:)  So not saying I'll do this every time I work out. But it's nice to show off progress. Next time I'll get exact numbers. Maybe I'll even lose a few pounds, YAY!!! Time to get in shape.

Alyx and Laughing till I cry in RS

Ok, so the first thing . . . . Alyx is 11 months old today. Holy crap, how did the time go by so fast?!?! Honestly, he's still a baby to me, but he's growing out of that as he's being more independent and learning to do more toddler ish things.

Now, yesterday in church, it was kinda hard. Alyx did not really let Jason or I sleep well during the night so poor Jason fell asleep during church and I had to try to get Alyx to sleep during sacrament meeting and sunday school with no success when I was sleep deprived as well. Thankfully, it was Jason's turn taking Alyx  during the final hour so I could actually pay attention in Relief Society. Guess what . . . I was still busy. I was asked to say the prayer, had a quote that I needed to read and had to do a small amount of work in my new calling, (I'm on the RS welcome committee). Besides that, there was a mom sitting in front of me with her adorable 3 month old son. He kept on spitting up on her and himself and so I helped clean up the mess. :) Made me think of Alyx and when he used to do that ALOT! The first two times her son looked at me, I played with him and made him smile and laugh. Then I decided to stop, except he apparently thought I was funny after that, because even without me doing anything, if he looked at me he started laughing so much I started laughing. I laughed so much I was crying and had to put my head down so he wouldn't see my face. After calming down a bit I sat back up and payed attention to the lesson. A few moments later he looked at me again and laughed all over again, making me crack up!! I couldn't help it. It was so funny and so cute, but I couldn't stop laughing and crying. The process happened a few more times until his mom took her son to the back of the room so we would stop laughing. It was good medicine though. :) Just hope my face isn't that funny looking.

Proud Mommy Moment

Today, as I fixed myself some lunch and wanting to actually eat it, har har har, I had to distract Alyx.

So I said "Juice, Juice." I also showed him the sign for juice in sign language (teaching him milk and juice, so he can communicate with me before he talks). Then I asked him where his juice was, because he didn't finish it earlier and figured I can eat while he drinks his juice. He looked at me . . . then started looking around. He then crawled to where his juice was, a couple feet away from him and popped the bottle in his mouth!!!

I was shocked!! He understood me, whether by signing juice or saying it . . he got the message and showed me what a smart little boy he is. :) I didn't have to distract him at all. He and I had our lunch together without stress at all. It was awesome. But what was really wonderful was that I learned that he understands what I'm saying and showed me. I'm a happy lucky momma and I dearly love my little boy. :)

Sleeping In

The past three night have been GLORIOUS!! Alyx has not woken up in the night at all and has even let me sleep in. :) It's awesome. Six teeth have poked their way through, four top and two bottom. So hopefully he will stop being in pain for a while and get a break, as well as giving me a break too. ;) I'm counting my blessings in the extra hours of sleep I get.

Besides all that . . . his naps have been longer, which is nice for me. Also, he is waking up happy. I generally hear him talking to himself and playing around in his play pen. Makes a happy momma when she has a happy baby. :)

The Miracle of Love

Today, was just another ordinary day. Nothing new happened. Nothing exciting or wondrous. But yet I was thinking, yes, quite a shocker, me thinking. ha. ha. ha. No really. In the past week, it might've been one of the scariest weeks in my life. But that and other things got me thinking about the power of love and how it is such a miracle.

No couple, no marriage is perfect. Even if you're totally in love. Things happen. I've seen it in my family's lives, my friend's, even my own. It doesn't even matter if you're married, currently dating someone, or single. Love is a powerful thing.

Love does not erase mistakes or make people forget past hurts.

But it can help ease pain and heal wounds.

For me, love melts anger. Kinda funny but I can be mad at Jason for one reason or another and 5 to maybe 10 minutes later, I just want to curl up in his arms. Or I can be furious, extremely angry with someone then later that same day, cry because I love them so much and just want to help them.

Love is a very strange thing. A very wonderful thing. It can be scary too, especially when the past is so full of mistakes and hurt.

I've seen time after time, someone getting hurt over and over again. But they stick it through because they have endless love for that person, they are dedicated. Even when others have no hope or faith and would have given up already. I know another person who has done crazy and stupid things, but because of love and their unselfishness, their companion has forgiven them, without question.

I'm so happy that I have found love. Through my wonderful husband who sticks by my side, my son who makes me smile everyday, my family, my friends and those who don't even know me show love.

But there is one, my older brother, Jesus Christ. He loves all. There is not one soul that he doesn't love. Even when it feels like you're alone and you think how can he possibly love you . . . it really is true. I have felt his love, he is there and is willing to show you how much he loves you if you let him. He is the biggest miracle of all, and giving us the gift of life with him if we do what is right. If we let his gift of Atonement cover our sins and our pain.

Maybe you'll know this song . . . or the movie it was on. This has touched me ever since I was a little girl. I love this song and fits perfectly with how I want to end things. The pictures are wonderful too.